Impromptu Pillar Meeting
by RoaringTurtle
Summary: Shinobu encounters an arrested Tomioka a second time


A/N: So what if I took that one joke from the Tomioka side story and just didn't stop?

* * *

Shinobu Kocho thought that she wouldn't see Tomioka until their next joint mission or a pillar meeting. The taciturn swordsman would leave almost immediately once they ended, so one had to wonder what he was in such a rush to get to.

And apparently it was to get arrested, Shinobu mused, as she saw her fellow pillar being led away by the police, his hands bound.

Had this been the first time she had found Tomioka arrested, she may have believed this to be a misunderstanding, but this was the second time she encountered him like this. He could have easily escaped them if he wanted to, hell he could escape now if he really needed, so she could only conclude that he must actually enjoy getting captured by police.

But she supposed everyone had their hobbies.

"Oh, Tomioka," Shinobu could barely hold back her laughter, "What happened this time?" She asked, but she figured it was probably the same reason as last time. You would think he would learn by now.

"Kocho," Tomioka noted her appearance. He looked completely unperturbed despite the fact he ought to be quite perturbed. And he didn't seem very intent on explaining his situation to her either.

"You know, it's at times like this when you can rely on others for help," Shinobu offered, but was rebuked by the Water Pillar.

"No, I can handle this on my own," Tomioka declared, which would have been cool had he been fighting a demon, not… whatever this was.

"And how are you going to do that?" Shinobu asked out of idle curiosity. Also to stop him in case he decided to fight his way out of it. The town was near their Headquarters, so it just would be difficult if any of the Pillars were wanted for assaulting an officer.

"I am going to talk to them." Tomioka resolved, which finally caused Shinobu to burst into laughter. Tomioka? He was terrible at talking! Shinobu ignored his scowling and wiped away a tear from the laughter. She _had _to see this.

* * *

"Tomioka," Shinobu's smile could barely contain her unbridled rage, "Do you want to explain how you not only increased the charges against yourself, but got me arrested, too?"

"No, you were there so I don't think I need to explain it." Tomioka denied her request, completely oblivious to her sarcasm and her anger. What a moron. She knew he was bad at talking, but she didn't think it would be this disastrous. It was like watching a trainwreck, she couldn't turn away. Just when she thought that he couldn't mess it up anymore, he just kept going. He had to be doing it on purpose, right? And he roped her into his downfall as well! Shinobu would remember this, and he would be having some almond flavored tea (cyanide) in the near future.

"This is stupid," Shinobu grumbled, somehow still smiling, "I'm leaving," Shinobu was about to break out of her restraints, but her fellow Pillar stopped her.

"No, we can explain that we are innocent at the station," Tomioka told her, probably not noticing her stares of incredulity, "It's what I usually do."

"You aren't saying a single word until we get out!" Shinobu snapped, which was fair, considering his track record. The last thing they needed was him accidently getting them a Life Sentence or the Death Penalty. Tomioka stood by passively, following the officers to the station as if completely cut off from the world staring at him. Shinobu was not that lucky since she could practically feel the eyes of strangers judging her. Of course, she had on her perfect smiling mask, but it hurt her pride. Even more so because she had done nothing, it was all Tomioka's fault! "How are you so calm, anyways? This is humiliating! I imagine the other Pillars would laugh at us if they saw us."

"No, I don't think they would be in any position to," Tomioka told Shinobu as they were tossed into a holding cell. She knew that he was just bad at expressing himself, but it wasn't hard to understand why people thought he could be an arrogant prick with comments like that.

"I know you always say that you aren't like us, but even you should care about what others think… Empathetic people are popular!" Shinobu advised.

"No, I meant they are in the same situation as us, so they wouldn't laugh," Tomioka pointed out, which was when Shinobu looked away from the Water Pillar and noticed the other Pillars were locked in the holding cell too.

"Kocho! Tomioka! Welcome!" The Flame Pillar energetically greeted them when he saw they noticed him.

"Rengoku? What are you doing here?" Shinobu asked, after getting over her shock that there were other Pillars here, because of all the Pillars she thought would eventually end up in jail, Rengoku was last on that list. Looking around, she saw nothing but familiar faces. The Sound, Love, Wind, and Mist Pillars also greeted their two newest cellmates. Well, Shinazugawa scowled at Tomioka, which Shinobu considered a greeting at least. (Shinazugawa happened to be at the top of that list from earlier).

Truly, the Demon Slayer Crops' Finest.

"Oh, it turns out that you aren't allowed to bring outside food on trains," Rengoku said without hesitation. Most people would at least act ashamed, but not the Flame Pillar. "I wanted to investigate, but they pulled me aside! They even took my tasty bento!" Looking at him, it was hard to tell what he was cut up about more: his missing bento or missing chance to investigate the demons. "But I'll get out as soon as I can explain the situation to an officer." Tomioka nodded his head in agreement, which infuriated Shinobu because how dare he act all cool and collected when this was all his fault. He was going to get poked the moment they got out.

"But they never stay long enough for us to explain since you dumbasses keep getting arrested." Shinazugawa added, and Shinobu wondered if he realized that he was one of "you dumbasses."

"I don't know," Uzui flamboyantly put a finger to his chin with skepticism, "Rengoku, I could see, but why would they let you walk free. You destroyed that entire buffet."

"It was his fault for having such a flimsy restaurant! Besides, it was an accident and most of the food was gone anyways! But there were cops already there who took me away before I could pay them back for the damages..." Shinazugawa scowled, "And what are _you _here for? Don't act like you're so innocent." He pointed an accusatory finger at the Sound Pillar.

"Polygamy," Uzui said simply, yet flamboyantly.

A chorus of "Ohs" came from the other pillars as they understood. Shinobu actually forgot there was a law like that. Demon Slayers were a non-governmental organization, so sometimes she forgot how different they were from the common world. They were all technically criminals after all, considering that they carried swords as civilians.

"Oh! I forgot to ask! What are you two here for?" Kanroji asked, finally breaking the awkward silence. Or possibly because she wanted to hear more stories about people getting arrested. It hadn't escaped Shinobu's ears that the Love Pillar would always squeal about how cool everyone was when they mentioned their misdeeds. Tomioka was about to answer, but Shinobu didn't believe he earned the right to speak yet.

"Well the police were initially concerned about a _suspicious man with a blade_, and then they felt his accomplice might be a danger too…" Shinobu gave an icy smile to Tomioka just so he could understand that she thought that this was entirely his fault.

"You were the one who talked to me, first," Tomioka mumbled in objection, at which point Shinobu resolved to take a sick day the next time he paid a visit to the butterfly estate.

"And because of some questionable remarks by _someone_, they felt like we needed to be brought in for further questioning. And that is why _we don't mention demons to people who don't know anything!_"

"But it's the truth," Tomioka defended.

"And what about you, Kanroji?" Rengoku asked while putting himself between Shinobu and Tomioka, probably to prevent the Insect Pillar from committing an actual crime.

Which was fair.

"It's actually kind of embarrassing…" Kanroji blushed from the thought of it, "But there was a sign for an all-you-can-eat buffet, but apparently they were just talking about the options. But I didn't know that so I just ate until I was full! The bill was really big in the end, too, so I couldn't pay it with the money I had on me!"

"That's a scam!" Shinazugawa jumped up, "They tricked you! See? It's a good thing I destroyed that buffet in the end!" Shinazugawa turned to face Uzui, who flamboyantly shrugged in concession.

"But it's okay! I was with Obanai, so he'll probably come to bail us out soon!" Kanroji perked up, but Shinobu wasn't sure her optimism was well-founded. Well, he probably would bail out Kanroji, but the rest of the pillars would probably be left to their own devices. His blatant favoritism had escaped none of the Pillars save Kanroji.

"Oh?" The God of Festivities put his ear to the ground (flamboyantly), "That sounds like the snake pillar!"

"Hooray! We're saved!" Kanroji started to jump with joy, and Rengoku joined her, probably because he liked jumping more than actually wanting to be free. But their optimism came to a screeching halt when Iguro was tossed into the holding cell by a police officer.

"Oh no! What did you do!?" Kanroji asked, her hopes dashed. Iguro refused to look her in the eyes, but the officer who brought him in seemed more than glad to answer the question.

"What _didn't _he do?" The officer asked rhetorically, "He just came in and started confessing to everything! Arson, Murder, Tax Evasion, Identity Theft, you name it! We had to make new laws just to hold him accountable for everything he committed! What even is _Insider Trading_?" The guard looked like he was shedding hair from the stress. A shame too since most of it was probably false. Shinobu guessed that he was just making things up so he could get arrested to spend time with Kanjori in jail.

"Okay, that was a bust…" Uzui flamboyantly conceded, "But we still have one more pillar! I'll send a crow to Himejima and ask him to get us out of here!"

"That should work! No one is more responsible than him!" Rengoku agreed, "There is no way he could get arrested!"

"Alright then, while we wait… Tokito, how did you end up here?" Shinobu asked the Mist Pillar, who had been there since she and Tomioka had arrived, but was simply staring at the sky through the barred window of the jail.

"Loitering."

"Was that it?" Shinobu prompted because that couldn't be the whole story, could it?

"Yeah," Tokito went back to staring at the clouds, and Shinobu suddenly understood why someone would want to arrest him. What a shame that being annoying wasn't a crime.

But before Shinobu could dwell on that too much, she was saved by the arrival of the Stone Pillar. But to be fair, she saw the next part coming.

"I'm telling you, I didn't murder those children!" Himejima told the officer, who scoffed and rolled his eyes as he sent the bigger man into the cell.

"You fit the warrant perfectly! Look, 'A monk who lived on the mountain was found surrounded by the corpses of the children he had been taking care of!' There is even an eyewitness account!" It was the same officer who brought in Iguro that brought in the Stone Pillar. And thinking back on it, he was also the one who arrested Tomioka and her. He must have had a long day, the Insect Pillar mused to herself. But she wouldn't feel too sorry for him, considering that he did arrest her. But there was nothing else to do until an officer was free so that the Pillars could plead their cases.

So they waited.

But Shinobu noticed something strange. Tomioka was being his usual sad loner self and was standing off in the corner. Iguro had somehow managed to find a hook and balanced himself to the point that it looked like he was sitting in a tree. Tokito was staring at patterns on the ceiling, Rengoku was eating a bento he had somehow smuggled in, Himejima mediating, and Kanroji was showering everyone with praise of how cute they were.

"Isn't this essentially a Pillar Meeting?" Shinobu asked no one in particular, but she received a stunned silence in response.

"I guess so?" Iguro muttered from his perch. "Isn't this how we usually wait for Ubuyashiki?"

"Does that mean that Ubuyashiki will get arrested next?" Tokito asked, and the absurdity of the comment made everyone laugh. Even the usually distant Tomioka cracked a smile. The thought of the ill master they loved so much getting dragged in to greet his cute swordsmen simply struck a chord with each of them. Or maybe it was the absurdity of the entire situation where the Pillars, backbone of the Demon Slayer Corps, had all been defeated by getting arrested.

Actually, that was kind of embarrassing. A dark gloom came over the Demon Slayers when they realized that.

"None of you shitheads better mention this to Ubuyashiki," Shinazugawa threatened his fellow Pillars, not that he needed to.

"Agreed," The Pillars were in unison for once.


End file.
